Everyone remembers going to a Slumber Party, right?! As a child, I attended many! I had some good experiences and bad ones too. As I’ve become a Parent, I fell into the flow of allowing it because it was what I was familiar with. Well, it took one bad experience for me to say that I no longer support them! I will say that there are alternatives to what I do support.
Reasons I No Longer Support Them
1. Unsupervised Children
I can recall this being one of the Main reasons I was looking forward to one, as a child! We were not supervised and did what we wanted! It was fun! It was liberating! It was not wise. Unsupervised children are bound to get into some sort of trouble. It is a recipe for disaster. This is a time when children end up injured in the ER room and Parents either cut ties with each other or take people to court. I want neither. One of the most difficult things as a Parent on either side of a sleepover is being able to supervise children 100% of the time. It’s simply not possible.
2. Abusivive Older Siblings
As a child, I can recall a time when I was literally a “prisoner” of an older sibling. I had gone over to my friend’s house at the age of 9. She had an older Brother who was 14. He also happened to have a pocket knife and thought it would be humorous to play “hostage”, while holding his knife against my throat! I was unable to escape because her Mother thought it was ok to leave to the grocery store. In that short amount of time, I was under extreme stress and trauma because I didn’t know whether he was serious or acting out a fantasy. Fortunately, my friend’s Mother returned, I ran home crying and was never allowed to play at my friend’s house or sleep over again.
3. Sexual Abuse
As a Parent Educator, I am always making Parents aware of the opportunities that arise with criminals and Predators. Sexual abuse is always committed by people that are very familiar with the child/person. They begin with using trust to lure a child in. This goes back to the first point. If a child will be unsupervised for any amount of time, it is a perfect situation for a Predator. I had another friend, whose Father was a registered sex-offender. I was lucky that she disclosed this to me before I was going to spend the night. She had a friend over for a sleep over and at the time, her Parents were divorced. This was her Father’s house. He lured her into his bedroom, during the night and my friend woke up to screaming sounds and called the police on her own Father. It’s simply not worth it. The trauma lasts a lifetime.
4. Substance Abuse
I not only went to sleep overs as a child, but also as a Teenager. Many times, I was offered alcoholic drinks and drugs. I even recall a time that my friend’s Mother agreed to allow us to drink because it was “safer.” She felt at ease knowing that she was supervising us and that we wouldn’t get into any trouble. It was “harmless” fun. Substance abuse is always introduced by friends because there is a trust factor. It’s “funner” with friends and it’s an easy form of entertainment.
5. Sexual Promescuity
Whether it is a friend’s older sibling that is going through puberty or it also happens to be someone that your child might be attracted to, it is a recipe for disaster. There are simply so many cases of underage sex that occurs that goes unreported. Many times, an underage Teen might just be “curios” and it ends up in regret.
What I Do Allow
1. Play Dates
Meeting up with my kids’ friends and getting to know their Parents has been such a great benefit to having a play date. We all meet up somewhere fun and safe. The Parents get to know each other, while the kids interact and play. It’s a great way to share ideas and visit new locations too. We have been able to explore more of our city with play dates than our kids would have ever been able to by just going to a friend’s house.
2. Movies Theaters
Meeting at a movie theater is also great fun. Meeting up early is always key. This way, we are able to purchase snacks and talk a little before the previews begin. When kids watch movies at another house that they haven’t been able to see with their own family, it really inhibits the supervision of what language and rating of movie is watched. When Parents can agree on a movie that holds family values and limits language or inappropriate behavior, it makes for a fun time. It also keeps it at a child level. Later, Parents can take part in their child’s conversation because they actually got to see the movie together. The Parents don’t feel left out.
3. Parties or Barbecues
When it comes to getting Parents of other children involved, it really helps break the ice at a good, old-fashioned Barbecue. Inviting Parents over to be able to get to know them is a great way to get to know a family better. It’s always nice when there is no pressure. Parties are just the same. Parents are always more likely to interact over some food and kid fun.
4. Co-Ops or Field Trips
As a Homeschooling family, we thrive on belonging to a Co-Op because we have weekly play dates and also incorporate Field Trips into our schedule. It’s a great way for the Parents to interact with other families that they already know, but when new families join, it’s also great to get to know them too. The kids get their social-emotional skills met and the Parents know that safety is always priority. The best part is knowing that it is going to be kid focused and Parent approved!
5. Clubs and Camping
Clubs are a great way to get to know Parents and their child. It guarantees that they all share the same interest and all are able to volunteer their time and energy to help ensure the group activities are fun! There are so many to choose from, but Girl Scouts and Cub Scouts are just a couple that offer this flexibility. Times and activities are always planned ahead of time, so it allows for Parents and children to be on the same page.
The interaction is great because kids feel more supported and safe when they can have their Parents present too. When it comes to camping, there’s nothing more relaxing and fun than getting into nature and discovering things that are outside of technology. Getting kids out of their comfort zones also helps with challenging their skills and finding new ones.
I hope this helps inspire you and how you look at your child’s socialization. Please share with someone you know that has had questions about sleep overs and feel free to comment.
